*Disclaimer: Mention of self-harm, suicide attempts and mental ill health, please do not read ahead if this may cause you offense/trigger you. If you need help NOW, please see my ‘I Need Help’ page.

For my first blog post I felt an introduction about me was very important so my viewers could come to more understanding of whom I am.

I am a young-adult student from the United Kingdom. I am currently in my first year at University, studying with the hope of one day becoming an Art Therapist, working with vulnerable young people.

I have been struggling with my mental health since I was 13 years of age. It’s been 9 years. My current diagnosis list stands as: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD sometimes known as EUPD), an eating disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I also struggle with self-harming but this is something that I am really working hard at recovering from. I also have a past history of suicide attempts.

During my 9 years of fighting my brain, I have spent time under the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) and the Community Mental Health Team (CMHT) in my home county. Currently I am under the community eating disorder services up in the county I am studying in. When I was 16 I also spent time in a young people’s psychiatric unit.

My experience of art therapy whilst I was an inpatient has been the main inspiration for my dream of one day becoming an art therapist. As you may have already guessed, I really enjoy creating. This may be through painting, drawing or even when decorating a cake. I learnt to speak my emotions during art therapy through the paint, rather than verbally. I found a way to release the inner turmoil from my mind, I lost myself through expression. This idea still influences the art I create today. I want to help others learn how to speak their emotions through a creative process, when words fail.

When I am not writing this blog or in the art studio, I am either cuddling (annoying) my dog or at my local horse-riding stables. I am a huge animal lover and could happily talk about animals all day, everyday.

Why have I created this blog?

I have been wanting to find a way to raise awareness of mental health, quite literally from the horse’s mouth, for many years. This blog may only be a small fraction of the internet world but I hold the hope that perhaps someone will read this and realise that they are not alone in what they’re going through. I know just how cold, dark and difficult recovery from a mental health condition is, I want that one person to realise that it’s okay to reach out for support and to talk. Talking is so important.

I can already predict that this blog may be a jumble of posts, all related to mental health of course. I apologise in advance for this but I hope you find hope in the words I have typed and if there are any topics you would like me to cover, please leave a comment or get in touch.

“I am still me, no matter my mental health.”

Niki McBain

Thanks for your time. Love to you all,

The Battle in my Brain Author X X X