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Changes : A reflection

Today’s post is about change and the changes I’ve had to go through in the past year. Last September I moved from a quiet country village to a reasonably large city, to start university.

I, like many others, absolutely hate change. I prefer to a have a very quiet, boring life. I like knowing where to be and what to expect. I moved to a city where I knew absolutely no-one and didn’t know where anything was, in those first few weeks in September I felt very alone.

One of my biggest worries was making new friends. Thankfully though I didn’t have to worry too much. This year was spent living in student accommodation (I’d highly recommend it for first years) and was placed in a flat with 5 others. When you’re living in such a small space with so many individuals you almost have to get to know them and thankfully the people I had are absolutely great people. Some of which I would now call my best friends. Making friends was difficult, I just remember thinking “I don’t know how to make friends” but somehow I did it and doing it made me feel less alone in the city and our connection has continued to strengthen. These people now mean the world to me.

I also remember being fearful of moving to a city; I’m from the middle of nowhere, surrounded by fields. Everyone literally knows everyone. My fear of the city was the amount of people and finding where everything was. Thankfully though, I chose a city that wasn’t too big (and Google maps proved very helpful). It felt like a large town than a city. I actually miss the city when I come home now. Yes, I enjoy being able to go on endless quiet walks with my dog but I also miss the ease of being able to pop to the shop (and getting takeaways!).

Moving meant I also had to change mental health teams. This hasn’t gone quite so smoothly as others aspects of the change. I knew my old team for 6 years so it was going to be a huge shift. The eating disorder team in the new city are really good. The community mental health team however…a very different story. This is just one of those things, in the UK it’s a postcode lottery as to whether you’re going to get a good team or not, it’s just unfortunate I haven’t.

Naturally I am quite independent due to my upbringing and I do actually prefer it. So cooking and cleaning wasn’t anything different. I did however come across a large unpredicted problem that I had to surrender independence to. Early in my university journey I became very unwell with a physical illness which resulted in a week’s stay in hospital. I still suffer some consequences from this illness due to the nature of it but it has reminded me that I need to care for my health more.

I also feared the change of academic settings. I had such a good two years at college, great support from welfare and the tutors and I was just generally pushed to my full potential. University has been very different. It’s a lot of independent study which can be hard in terms of motivation. I also still feel I don’t know my tutors very well. There are days when I still miss college but I just have to remind myself that I cannot stay there forever and I have to go through this in order to get my degree. My old college welfare advisor, whom knows me very very well still emails me from time to time. I know I can always pop in when I’m home too.

Anyway, the point of this post is to show that sometimes change can be very good and shouldn’t always be feared. I have had some incredibly tough days whilst at University but looking back living in halls meant I had accommodation staff to turn to in times of crisis and they would get me in touch with others if need be. And honestly these staff members have helped me to get through the year.

The friends I have made have also helped me every step of the way, being there whenever I am laughing or crying.

Being away from home means time with my dog is even more precious when I see him too!

I have also changed in person, gained more confidence and am finding whom I really am. Change can be incredibly difficult but those difficult moments can be so worth it. This year has given me some absolutely great memories, as well as the bad. I’ve become more resilient as a person and I am so ready for the next year of university. Life is very unpredictable and I need to learn to accept that.

If you are worried about a change that is to come, just take each day hour by hour. You’ll get there just like I have.

Love to you all.

The Battle in my Brain Author X X X

My Self-Care Tips

Hello Everyone, firstly I would like to apologise for my lack of a post last week. I have been struggling with my mental health so I have taken sometime away to look after myself and practice some self-care. This is what has inspired today’s post.

I’m sure you’ve read lots of self-care tips from all over the internet so instead of focusing on general self-care tips I will be focusing on the practices I use which help me. Self-care can be the smallest thing but essentially it is defined as; “the practice of taking an active role in protecting your own wellbeing and happiness…”

Feel free too try out the methods I mention below, but remember different things work for different people.

The first method I use is face masks. This is a common one you may see but for me they work. My favourite type is the bubble masks which are readily available. The bubbles literally covered your face but it makes me laugh because I look like a giant bubble! But, I also love the noise that the bubbling makes which helps my hearing sense.

Going out for a walk (take some photos whilst you’re out too). There be periods of time where I do not leave the house due to the state of my mood. I had this struggle last week but I forced myself to get changed and head outdoors. I am so glad I did because it was great to have the sun on my face and we found a really cool, creative spot in the city which I wouldn’t now know about if it wasn’t for the walk. Please remember though, sometimes it could just be a five minute walk around my garden.

Thirdly I spend time tidying my room or communal areas of my flat. I like cleaning so it isn’t seen as a chore, most of all though, I love the self satisfaction when it’s done. The fresh scent of bleach is so rewarding to me. Remember you don’t have to tackle the whole room at once, maybe just change your bedsheets or put a wash on.

I paint or draw. I’m a creative person but when my mood is poor I tend to avoid doing anything creative as I almost suffer from “artist’s block”. I do however love painting quotes and I decorate my room with them afterwards. Not only do I get a sense achievement once I have completed the piece, but I also get an ongoing sense of reward whenever I view the painting on my wall.

Listening to my favourite songs. I go through stages of liking different songs but there is particular band that I always enjoy listening to. I will pop my headphones on and blast my music as long as my eyes can handle. Sometimes I’ll dance and sing along but other times I will just sit and listen.

Play with my dog. When I am home from Uni I have my beautiful dog. If I am struggling I may go and find him for a cuddle (somehow he knows when I need one) or I’ll go and enjoy some quality time on a walk with him. He helps to remind me that in order to care for him, I need to care for myself. Remember all animals can be beneficial for a sense of purpose and happiness.

Watch an episode (or five) of a series I am on. Currently I am fully immersed in re-watching Grey’s Anatomy. I really enjoy and look forward to each episode. It’s great for a distraction too.

Scrapbooking. I am currently creating a scrapbook to mark the end of my first year at University. The year has flown by so the scrapbook has helped me to reflect on the good (and some bad) memories from the year. This scrapbook will enable my to look back and reflect in the future too.

The ultimate thing that I should state though is that self-care is hard. It’s not always face masks and painting your nails. Sometimes it’s taking some time to cocoon yourself in a blanket and having a good cry. Sometimes it’s quite simply getting rid of the negative people in your life. Both these are ok, it’s helping you to look after yourself.

Please take time in your day to focus on you. It may only be some small, or it could be something huge, I just urge you to look out for you.

I hope you have enjoyed this post.

Thanks again and love to you all.

The Battle in my Brain Author. X X X